Keeping Up Appearances
This is serious! Vote for Lou Seal now!
And yet…it’s not so serious. Cartoon Network? Hall of Game? What?
Seriously. This is a show that is going to be hosted by Shaquille O’Neil and Nick Cannon. Nick Cannon? Really? This is a guy who, in the last two years, played a character named Robby Bottoms. In sports terms, that’s like being a bench player in the Italian League.
This is a show with only six categories: He Got Game, She Got Game, Most Awesome Mascot, Alti-Dude (X-Sports only, but not dudes only), Dynamic Duo, and That’s How I Roll. This feels like the unwanted love child of the MTV Movie Awards and the ESPYs, shortened because they know they wouldn’t even get enough advertisers for 90 minutes.
Seriously, the That’s How I Roll category contains Jonny Gomes, apparently only for having a mohawk. And Brett Keisel, for, um, having ‘da beard’, and unruly piece of facial hair. That he grew in 2010. *ahem* Originality? I mean, hell, Brian Wilson didn’t exactly start beards, but the fact that as a relatively active sports fan and have never heard of Brett Keisel before makes me think that he’s a knock-off.
Oh, and Ryan Lochte’s also nominated. I mean, I don’t have someone to root for, but at least with Lochte there, I have someone to root against.
The Mascot nominees are just as bad. Aside from Lou Seal, there’s Rocky from the Denver Nuggets, Louie from the St. Louis Blues, and KC Wolf. It’s easy to tell who they like: Rocky gets a video for his nomination…only one other nominee I saw out of the entire other 24 got a video. And it’s of Rocky doing something legitimately cool; a behind-the-back shot from midcourt. They could’ve found something cool that Lou Seal has done, right? I mean…um…slip-sliding across the tarp? Or, um, paddleboarding in a race?
But the others…I mean, KC Wolf? What do wolves have to do with Chiefs other than historically demeaning Kevin Costner films? And his costume is…well, maybe it’s nice for Missouri. I don’t know.
But, anyways, Lou’s a Giant. And he’s up for an award, even if it’s an easily mocked award for an easily mocked show. Sure, it may not carry the prestige of an MVP, or an All-Star Game, or even an ESPY…but, hell, you’ve got to beat the Astros just as much as you’ve got to beat the Tigers, right?
Go vote for Lou.